I'm not criticizing you for seeing 50 Shades of Grey, but I am for something else.

I know, I know, I know. So here’s another 50 Shades of Grey commentary. Hang in there with me. I’m not here to scold you for reading/watching it. I'm not 'judging' (I hate that word so much) you. Matter of fact, I haven’t even read it or watched it, but from friends who have and seeing the trailors, I know what it’s about.

You’ve probably seen lots of articles going around how this 50 Shades franchise promotes sexual violence, rape culture, is anti-feminism, etc.

The best article* I’ve read about it is from the Director of Operations, Bridget Battistoni, of the Seattle based company REST (Real Escape from the Sex Trade).  It talks about how we can normalize anything in society to make it seem acceptable or normal. It explains how Hitler used propaganda to convince an entire nation to not blink an eye at millions of people being murdered, and that the same thing is happening in America with sexual violence. It explains that effective propaganda uses three steps to indoctrinate an idea: 1) Desensitization 2)Normalization 3)Marginalization.

I don’t think that anybody would argue that our society is totally desensitized to sex. It’s everywhere. I can’t walk through downtown Seattle without seeing a 15 ft. billboard of an underwear clad woman. The last Abercrombie and Fitch bag I saw years ago basically had a naked man (can you call him a man? He looked about 15) on it. Seth and I were watching Jimmy Fallon (one of our faves!) and the evening’s performer, Nick Jonas, had scantily clad women dancing behind him to extremely sexualized choreography. It is now totally normal to hook up with people you hardly know and not think twice about it. Normalization. I don’t think we’ve marginalized in society yet, because not everybody agrees on what ‘level’ of public displays of sex/sexuality are appropriate or who with and when it is appropriate to engage in sex.

Regardless, we are totally desensitized to degradation of women too. For example, the show ‘the Bachelor’ is hugely successful, but what is it about? A man lining up a bunch of women like cattle to decide which one he will bestow the honor of being in a relationship with after they’ve completed a series of tasks. Romantic…??

Anyways, I’m not here to tell you that you are a terrible person for participating in any of the following examples, whether it’s the 50 Shades franchise or the Bachelor. But I will say this:

We all have to draw our line somewhere of what we deem ‘appropriate’ to participate in or contribute to, what we allow ourselves to be indoctrinated to. We are a diverse society, and nobody's lines will be in the same place. Some people think it may be totally ok to contribute to the 50 Shades franchise, others not. Some people may be totally ok with not only the 50 Shades franchise, but also put their line even a step farther and say the actual pornography industry is fine, and not just fine, great! Some people will see casual sex as completely normal and acceptable, others not.

And you know what, that’s fine. It’s your prerogative. However, we need to move away from the thought process ‘I just like to watch the Bachelor in my pjs with my girlfriends and eat ice-cream. It doesn’t hurt or affect anybody else" or "I'm just a normal guy, like 'all guys,' who watches porn sometimes. It doesn't matter." Yes it does. Put your line down wherever you want, but quit acting like what you do, watch, and consume doesn’t mean anything or affect anybody. Because it does. It sends a message and is shaping what is perceived as the normal world around us. 

*Battistoni, Bridget. “50 Shades of Propaganda: How You Are Being Indoctrinated to Sexual Violence.” REST Blog. 12 Feb 15.  http://iwantrest.com/blog/post/50-shades-of-propaganda-how-you-are-being-indoctrinated-to-sexual-violence